A letter to a friend from another land (i.e. yet another anti-addiction rant)

I’ll just jump straight into it, w/o any intro… straight out of my head, as if we were sharing the same brain and same thoughts… ☺️

Yesterday I essentially took credit for you and your folks potentially quitting smoking (in the future) by saying “that would be my biggest achievement”. Seems strange, right? For someone to make this kind of claim.

First of all – that would be your big achievement, not mine. Perhaps not the biggest, but certainly a big one. Statements such as the one above neither help the cause nor do they put me in a very favorable light 🥺 Probably quite the contrary. Uh, I gotta work on that approach some more…

You don’t know this, but I have this idea / goal on my list of life goals… to help as many people as possible “to live healthy lives and achieve in life more than they ever thought they could achieve” (among other goals, ofc). Yeah, sounds crazy, I might be having a bit of a Messiah complex thing going on, haha. Like Tony Robbins, only… completely different. 😅 I formulated this goal after I quit drinking alcohol and quit smoking, after I “woke up” and realized how crazy the very concept of consuming legal and illegal substances is (alcohol, cigarettes and all other stuff, incl. coffee).

There is literally the whole system of multi-national corporations behind this, making tons of money off of unfortunate ones who got stuck in some “life situations” at some point and didn’t know better than to look for an ‘easy way out’ or at least, a way to deal or cope with the situation they found themselves in. I guess some found comfort in heroin, others in nicotine, yet others got lost in the bottle… And once you’re hooked, you’re hooked…

Obviously, drinking alcohol (toxin / neurotoxin) or smoking cigarettes (don’t even get me started on toxicity of smoking cigarettes) is not a solution. Ever. And neither is heroin nor weed nor other substances of that sort.

For some reason, parts of modern “society” normalised consumption of particular substances such as alcohol and cigarettes (presumably heavily influenced by propaganda machinery of huge multi-national corporations). And in such social environment, those advocating against consumption of these horrible poisonous substances are percieved as weirdos or perhaps even enemies. John the Savage of the modern day, so to say (<- this even rhymes).

If you don’t care about your health – that’s… strange, but ok. I get it. We’re all different. We all have different priorities. That’s what makes this world such an interesting place to live in. Destroying your own health is one thing. We’re all gonna die some day, so I can undestand that argument. But completely ignoring financial side of substance addiction brings us to another level of masochism…

A pack of cigs costs, let’s say 7 EUR (retail price). It’s nothing. I know, right. Most people can earn this kind of money in an hour or two at their job. And some probably much, much faster… ok, but… let’s say this month has 31 days and you consume one pack a day… that makes 217 EUR. Ok, I know, I know… you’re not throwing the money out of the window. You’re actually getting someting in return, like (percieved) pleasure, (percieved) inner peace, (percieved) calm, something to hold on to, a ritual… (I’m not going into “you’re also potentially getting COPD, lung cancer, etc.” because that’s not the point right now). So, you’re getting something in exchange. Mostly ‘smoke’ but… that’s ok. And a bonus: stinky cigarette buds. But, that’s beside the point here. How many months are there in a year? 12, right. So… 12x 210 EUR (I reduced the consumption and monthly expenses a bit… ya know, fair is fair) = 2.520 EUR per year. Now, I can’t help but hear Borat reacting: “Woo wee woo wa!” Because… in two years time you donated more than 5.000 EUR to the tobacco industry and the state (through taxes). And I’m almost sure that part of these funds are being spent by the government for noble causes, such as COPD medical care or lung cancer treatment. So, it’s a honorable thing to do… transaction costs might be somehat high, but hey, who’s counting…

Yeah, I know, I know…. above calculation doesn’t even include alcohol and coffee consumption. Cool. Ok, let’s make it double, so it’s 10.000 EUR in two years…

But hey, if you suddenly stopped drinking and smoking, where would you get all the fun from? All the life’s joy? All the little pleasures? All the liberté, tojours? You’d never again go to where the flavor is…

That’s a tough call, I know. Aaaaaand… additional “benefit” of non-consumption: ca. 23% of the population starts looking at you as some kind of a nutcase for even bringing this up… and the other 77% don’t understand what you’re all about because they’re not even part of the substance consumption game. Statistically, ca. 23% of EU population have been smoking in 2020 (peep Statista reports). And… many of these 23% of fellow humans would for sure try their best to put you back on the right track again, if you ever try to leave the club… because… what are you? Better than us? Something else? Or did you simply lose the sense of pleasure? Friends will be friends… 🎶

Hot town, summer in the city…

We’re having “Hitzewelle” (heatwave) here in Berlin. Up to 40° centigrade. I’m opening roller blinds and windows only during the night, to keep my apartment as cool as possible.

For some reason I couldn’t sleep last night although I only slept 5 hours the night before. In the evening I did the good old ‘bedtime procrastination’ routine, despite me being fully aware of it… cognitive dissonance at it’s best. Scrolling through tiktok and Instagram feed instead of falling asleep… Interestingly enough, I still woke up at around 7 AM.

So I got up, ‘made my bed’, as Jordan Peterson suggests, brushed my teeth and rushed out on the street. Woooow, what a beautiful morning ☀️ This side of the street is still in the shade, so no direct sunlight yet. And it’s warm. So beautifully warm. Light morning breeze carries the scents of perfume and sun lotion in the air. “Heaven, I’m in heaven…”

In front of the U-Bahn (metro) station, a mother with two little kids and a huge ‘tandem’ stroller is standing there, looking at the stairs and the stroller, apparently explaining something to the little ones. So I immediately asked: “Can I help you?” and she immediately relied: “Yes, please.” She took the kids, I took the stroller and we went downstairs, to the train platforms… When we reached the platform, I put the stroller on the ground and made the ‘thank you’ gesture 🙏 She thanked me, too and we said good bye, wishing each other a wonderful day.

Each time we get the chance to do a good deed, we should thank the person and the universe, because being able to help others is such a marvelous blessing.


All that beauty

There’s so much beauty around. Everywhere. Just look at those huge cotton balls carried by the winds across the blue skies, beautiful colorful flowers, beautiful people…. Only… sometimes we see (more precisely: notice) all that beauty and sometimes we don’t…


Last time I wrote about thhose big metal gates of my workplace. In somewhat negative manner, if I recall correctly. But, it is not all that bad. Right behind that ugly gate, I’m being greeted every day by the scent of lavender. Just how beautiful is that? Every f’in day. And I’m so grateful for that lil’ gift.


You know when you buy a huge watermelon, bring it home and realize… it’s too big for you to eat it all alone. And then you wish so much you had someone to share it with. Cold, sweet watermelon 🍉

…oh, you’re still here? Thanks, but – that was it for today. This was just a random short micro-blogpost…

Ruby Tuesday

…and so I caught myself standing in front of the gates of my workplace. Huge metal two-leaf gate, with a sign “Property protected by…” some security company. God only knows how long I have been standing there. As if I was having a dilemma – to enter the hell or to run away. It must have looked very weird to anyone observing the scene…

Ok, to be quite honest, my work is far from being a hell, although my brain does trick me into feeling like this from time to time… Such a bummer, when you get caught between your dreams and the reality… this job keeps me insured and the salary comes regularly. All that while I’m dreaming of travelling around the world and composing & releasing my songs… It’s just that I get thrown back into my eternal “job vs. dreams” dilemma every time I remember Dr. Wayne Dyers quote:

“Don’t die with your music still in you.”

Wayne Dyer

And I feel that time is ticking, too… (although, you know, ‘time’ doesn’t actually exist in the Universe and it is a completely man-made concept). I’m getting older. Trains are leaving. One after another… I feel pressed to jump on and grab one of those chances. But then I remind myself that “I don’t chase. I attract. What’s meant for me will simply find me”…

I titled this blog entry ‘Ruby Tuesday’ because it is Tuesday today and yesterday I spent the whole afternoon recording a cover version of “As tears go by” on my harmonica. BTW, did you know that Jimmy Page played the guitar part on the studio recording of this song? And that Mr. Page was a very sought-after studio musician/guitarist in the 60’s? I learned this only today…

Aaaaaand, today morning, while scrolling through my tiktok feed, I heard a wonderful mantra I’d like to share with you:

“My days are long and slow and filled with precious moments where I find myself so grateful for all the blessings in my life”

Declan J O’Donoghue

Vibing low…

I’ve been vibing so low in the past few weeks. I’ve been flying above the clouds, carried by the most beautiful emotions. And I’ve been crashing on the ground, pulled down from the skies by feelings of guilt, fear of losing, jealosy, all the negative stuff.

If it only happened once, that wouldn’t have been as bad, I guess. Bam. Bam. And you’re done. But I kept dreaming and kept turning beautiful dreams into horrible nightmares over and over again…

And in my weakest moments I kept dragging others in this inner struggle of mine. How weak. What a cowardly way to act.

And for sure I hurt those wonderful people who opened their hearts to me. You can only drag someone in your own struggle if they care for you. If you’re (deeply) connected. For strangers would rarely allow themselves to be dragged in other people’s “games”…

A bizarre version of Goethe’s Mephisto

I’ve behaved in a most incomprehensible way lately, hurting some very special people I truly cared for. I’ve said and done things that I’ve regretted ever since and I’m so ashamed of doing so.

I feel like some bizarre kind of Goethe’s Mephisto, the one who wishes to be good and do good, but… ends up doing exactly the opposite. 🥺

[I am] part of that force that always wills the GOOD and always produces the EVIL.

Hurting someone who warm-heartedly invites you into their life with open arms is probably one of the meanest things a human can do (even if done inadvertently).

Now I’m living my days literally hating myself and hoping for forgiveness. 💔

Such a cool dude, that David Gilmour

Just finished watching “David Gilmour – Wider Horizons” on youtube. What a cool guy. Such an inspiration. Ok, obviously we got to see only that what we were meant to see… every medal also has the other side, the one that is not (immediately) displayed to the public.

But, I have to say – I loved what I saw. Very often it is up to us to complete the impression in our heads, you know, add those missing parts… that’s why a single movie can leave a million different impressions on a million people.

It’s a really nice documentary, highly recommended for any musician, guitarist, creative person, Pink Floyd fan…

The last day of August 2021

Yesterday I stayed at work until late because I wanted to finally finish some statistics for the team.

On my way home I realised it was the last day of August 2021. Another day, another month is gone. And never coming back again… while I was busy joggling some data around in Excel. Data which will become obsolete in a matter of days. Just try to imagine that. Imagine turning days into dust. How sad.

So I wrote a song/poem – a farewell song for that last day of August 2021:

There goes the last day
of August 2021.
I won't be missing it much
Yeah, some days were nice,
Some... really fun
Most of the time I felt out of touch

With reality
Oh, that's my speciality

It has been rainy
It has been tense
I fell in love
And made new friends

August 2021
Forever gone
Forever gone...

When you wake up on a rainy Monday morning…

When you wake up hating Mondays, you can be 100% sure that you’re doing something wrong. You’re not in the flow. You feel drained, you’re missing the direction. Any direction.

From the current perspective, I’m almost certain that any direction would be better than floating around this huge ocean of life, like some old abandoned raft…

Guess what? It’s Monday. I’m dragging my feet to the metro station on my way to the office. It’s cold and dark, and this bloody rain doesn’t help, either. Going down the stairs, putting the mask on. Being forced to wear the fcuking mask is so annoying, I cannot breathe. I hate it.

Now I almost wrote “and I hate my job” but… you know, if you hate it – leave it. So, nah, I don’t hate it. It’s a stable monthly income. But if you’re a fish and the job requires a lot of tree climbing, well… you ain’t gonna be the top performer in this job…

Persistency can compensate for lack of skills or experience but it comes at a cost. It costs time and it drains energy…

Maybe I feel like this just because of fcukin ‘rona? It’s lowkey killing me every day, bit by bit… I sold all of my PFE stock the other day. Sure enough didn’t sell at the highest high (not even near the peak, unfortunately). But, ok… anyway I expect markets to pull back a bit. Recent bull runs have been crazy. Gates said on the CNBSee he expects things to be back to normal by the end of 2022. Some others have mentioned spring 2022. The moment JPow announces tapering, the sell-off begins. Wait and see. Latest in December. I just hope there won’t come an even greater evil after ‘rona cards have been played out. You know, a war or… some other shit… “back to normal” my ass…

Or am I this broken because it’s autmn already? Dunno. Autmn weather in August feels strange. The nights are so fcuking cold. Hello? Universe? G*d? What’s going on?