Couples therapy

My wife and I were having a slight variance of opinion lately on various (= just about any) day to day topics regarding our lives. And… since this “lately” lasts for many years already I decided to finally do something about it. Bam! I moved out of the family home to a small apartment, where I’m now lying in bed and writing these lines. But wait, before you judge me, before you call me a coward or something, read on…

It became obvious to me that my wife was not going to do anything about the situation, so I had to take another step towards finding a solution for our problem. And where do you go first, when it comes to relationship problems? A shrink. Yeah, right. Ok, but since I’m not alone in this mess, I googled “couples therapy” and “marriage counseling” and came accross this guy’s website offering a trial session. Not a free trial session, but never the less a trial session. “Heck” I thought, “why not give it a try?”. So I filled out and submitted the online form. The theraphyst replied rather quickly and proposed a date and time for our first session. I accepted the appointment and – before you know it…

…my wife and I were sitting in this guys office, in comfortable leather armchairs. He was looking curiously in our direction while my look was wandering all over the room, analyzing the abstract pictures that were hanging on the walls, massive wooden door, the ceiling with the old pieces of stucco… I turned back to him when he said:

“First of all, I’d like to know what you’re here for and I also want you to tell me what you expect from this session.” Huh. I knew that a question of this kind was going to come in one form or another, but I was really not ready for it. And it is anyway obvious what we were here for. So I asked him, as if I hadn’t understood the question: “What do I expect?” He confirmed: “Yes.” I thought for a second and then I answered, forcing a smile upon my face for a second: “A miracle”. He took it seriously and replied: “A miracle? What kind of miracle?” The first thought that crossed my mind was: “What kind? Oh, man. What do I know what kind? Just a plain vanilla regular kind of miracle. If they would be selling miracles in coffee shops, one would order it as: “One regular latte-miracle to go, please.” So I just said: “A miracle that would help us find a way out of our current situation.”

And then we started our long discussion about the marriage, kids, parenthood, feelings, problems and challenges,… He’s good, I must admit. A real professional. Asks the right questions and then leans back and lets the two of us talk about all the shite that was bothering us… And so we went on for almost two hours, each of us explaining their position and telling the story from a different perspective. Obviously, we haven’t found any tailor made solutions during these two hours. But rather just learned a general recipe for finding a solution: listen to each other, try to acknowledge and understand the position of the other one and so on… And – interestingly enough, this was a nice chance to say things and talk about topics which would otherwise remain untold, simply because neither of us was ready to hear them.

I can’t wait to see how all this develops. I’ll keep you posted!

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