A wannabe day trader, more precisely… You see, I’m spending these last days of June 2020 in my hometown, taking care of my teeth (typical health tourism: orthodontic treatment, wisdom teeth removal etc.) and also visiting my parents.
I used the opportunity to tell my mom all about my trading and investing endeavours of the past few weeks. She didn’t seem overly excited about the topic but from her nodding and “uhm hms”, I know that she totally understands and supports me. Haha.
But even so, I still told her how I discovered a financial perpetuum mobile, an inexhaustable source of income, a way to literally print money... Oh, you’re dying to hear the story, too? No problemo, here you go (as always, sharing is caring):
Essentially, all you need to do is take 3.000 euros (probably also works with less, I just never tried), buy thousand shares of any random, moderately volatile stock when the shares are at 3 euros and sell when the price goes up to, let’s say… 3,50. Crazy shit. You just earned 500 euros! Ok, minus tax and transaction fees, but c’mon, 500 euros! And next time you do exactly the same, but you re-invest the enlarged sum (3.500 euros). Earn even more money. Repeat. Forever. And when the money starts flowing, you’ll finally know what having too much money feels like… 🤑
This one detail is kind of important: make sure to buy stocks that will actually go up after you made the purchase. You know how they say: buy low, sell high (and not the other way ’round).
The only thing is…. my mother wouldn’t be my mother if she hadn’t asked that one (rhetorical) question: “my son, if that was such an easy thing to do, wouldn’t everybody be doing it?“
Yeah, dunno. Maybe. What do I know why the others’s are not doing it? Perhaps they don’t have the dough? Or guts? Or they’re simply reading wrong blogs, so they never actually found out how easy it can be to earn loads of money? No idea…
Anyways, I decided to literally put my money where my mouth is and test this little “discovery” of mine… I’ve chosen Commerzbank (just because its current price per share nearly perfectly fits the story. I couldn’t care less about the fundamental analysis and I can’t be bothered with the KPIs, either). Today was supposed to be the big day. The plan: buy at 3,80€ and exit at 3,90€. Take 100€ and prove the world that my newly discovered model works… (ok, the actual difference is more in the neighbourhood of 50 euros after taxes and banking fees, but still, it works – for sure). Yep. That simple. What? What difference does it make how old I am? And no, I don’t believe in Santa Claus. Ok, now – let me get back to the most exciting part of the story…
Unfortunately, I slept until late, so I missed the early morning hustle on the stock exchange, including a dip at 3,74 and a peak at ca. 3,90. But – who cares? I quickly remembered a friend of mine telling me not to worry about that. Chances keep coming around all the time. You just have to grab them. So… the moment I woke up I saw my chance! At 3,80€ I’m going in. Yep. The price was already moving in the right direction. After I’ve bought the shares, I’ll just sit back and wait until the price goes up to 3,90€ and as soon as it’s there, I’ll close the position and take the 100€. Yeah, baby. Whoop, whoop. 💪
Around 11 AM, I was ready to click on that “Buy” button, slowly preparing for this moment by tapping with the index finger on the desktop surface while holding the mouse firmly in my right hand. 3,84… gooood. Ok, now just a bit lower… 3,82… yeees… 3,83… why TF is it going back up?!? 3,82… yeah, that’s it. Just a bit lower… 3,815… 3,82… 3,83… fuck that, it just keeps bouncing up and down. I can’t wait no more because if I wait, it’ll go up again and the whole day will be ruined. And the sheer thought of that makes me nervous…
So, the very next moment the price ticker comes back flashing anywhere near 3,81, I’m in! No more waiting, no more thinking.
3,83… 3.82… 3,815… 3,81. Bam! Locked. Ha!
3,80… 3,79… wooot the fcuk?? 3,78… WTF is going on? Am I on candid camera? C’mon!? Hey. Not funny. 3,80… “Uh, good. Going up again”. 3,79… F$&@ you. 3,78… WTF?! Now I’m pissed. But for real. Fcuk that. 3,79… 3,78… Aaaaaaaaaa!
It’s only then that I checked the news: Wirecard declared bankruptcy at that very moment and bloody Commerzbank was one of the banks who gave them a loan (worth millions of euros) some time ago. So now that Wirecard is insolvent, they’re also pulling their lenders into the dirt… WTF?! I mean, really. WTF? And Wirecard had to go bankrupt exactly now??? How was I supposed to know that Commerzbank is connected to Wirecard through million-euro-loans? How? I mean, who am I? Bloomberg?
3,77… 3,76… faaaaaaak this. 3,75…
Ok, you know what? I’m out. I’ll try this shit some other time. Today is obviously not the right day. Not the right place, not the right time… Too much going on. And who made the bloody UX in the trading app, anyway??? Each time the share price goes down, the whole bloody app flashes red. Just how stupid is that? Like I wouldn’t see that I’m losing money without it? Ok, I admit, it does blink green when the share price is going up, but this is not the case right now… uh…
I wouldn’t want to bother you with too many details right now, so here’s the epilogue: I ended up with my eyes glued to the smartphone display, waiting some 10-15 minutes for the ticker to go back to at least 3,80 and then I immediately sold the bloody stock. Didn’t even care about the loss or the transaction fees or if it goes up or down afterwards… At that point I just felt happy and relieved that I got rid of my “investment” and that, for the time being, I finished with the bloody trading app.
The screenshot which you see above was taken in the afternoon, just a few moments before I got a heart attack, after seeing that the bloody stock climbed to 3,92 after all… haha. Nah, just kidding. I’m ok. No heart attack. Oh, man. Stupid joke. 🤗
BTW, that very same screenshot just proves that my financial perpetuum mobile could have actually worked! You know, buy low, sell high. I mean, how hard can that be?
p.s. I feel so sorry for all Wirecard employees. I was in a similar situation just a few years ago, when the company I worked for went bankrupt. Therefore I can imagine what they must have been going through during the past hours, days, weeks and months… 🙁