A little rant on a cold Saturday afternoon…

I started noticing how (some) folks love approaching you with their problems, asking for help or advice…

…and when you provide them with a workable solution for their situation, they simply ignore it and move on approaching further people with the same scenario.

As if they were never interested in the solution. Instead, they seem to be interested in having a problem. And what’s more – they seem to be looking for compassion, for someone who’s willing to listen to them whining.

And also looking for confirmation that their situation is really, really hard AF and that there is no way out, whatever they do (only they never actually do anything to change their situation).

I’m not claiming that the solution I’m able to offer is THE solution and that it is the only right way to go. But, hey – if you have a problem… say you’re behing a steering wheel in a car, heading straight towards a concrete wall at full speed and screaming for help. Man, doing just about anything is for sure better than sitting there and asking for compassion. Step on the brake bloody mofo, turn left, turn right, jump out of the car, do whatever… because the next moment – you’ll crash into that concrete wall…

So, next time someone you trust gives you a solid advice, you might as well at least have a deeper look at it. Unless, of course, you prefer being a poor SOB, hiding behind that victim role, continually looking for compassion.

At the end, you know how they say: don’t tell your problems to people – 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them…

Boah. So much negativity and rant in this blog post. Haha. Let me see if we can turn this around with this short anecdote by the late Zig Ziglar:

Son comes home and says: ”Dad, I flunked my arithmetic test today.”

Dad says: “Son, there’s too much negativity in what you’re saying. I told you to be positive about things.”

His son then replied: “Okay dad, I’m positive I flunked that arithmetic test.”

New year – new job – new start

Papa’s got a brand new job. Again. But this time I ain’t gonna write about it. Because last time I announced my new job on this blog – it didn’t end all that well… ok, perhaps I’ll share just this short anecdote of my first day at work.

First Monday of the new year, my first day at the new company. Team meeting. Kick off meeting, so to say. Started at 8 AM and didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. It was all about the usual stuff: new team members short introduction, where do we stand, future plans…

My new colleagues would occasionally get up during the meeting, quietly leave the room and go to the men’s room. One after another, taking care not to disturb the flow of the meeting…

Somewhere around noon, I felt it was time for me to get up and go freshen up a bit. And then I thought: “shall I ask where the toilet was?” Nah, that would just disturb the meeting. I’ll just quietly get up, walk to the door, exit the meeting room and look for the toilet. I mean, how hard can that be?

Said. Done. Got up, went to the door, slowly closed the door behind me on the way out… and now? Left? Right? Left. Ok. So i walked down the long corridor looking for the toilet. And sure enough – I found it. Ladies’ toilet. Duh. Ok, look further… next door: WC for disabled persons. Oh, man. Next door: storage room. Crazy shit. And where’s the men’s room?

I didn’t want to be absent from the meeting for too long, so I decided to use the disabled toilette. Opened the door, stepped in and… no light. Fcuk. Usually they have movement detector in the disabled toilettes, which switches on the light the moment you enter. But not here…

The toilette was spacey, as they usually are, but I couldn’t see sh*t because there was no light. No light switch on the wall. Bravo. Who TF makes a toilette where you cannot even switch on the light??

On the wall across the door there was a red cord hanging from the ceiling, so i figured this must be some kind of alarm, you know, if something happens or assistance is needed… so I looked further: ah, how cool is this. Another cord hanging from the wall next to the lamp just above the mirror. Can it be alarm, too? Hm. Go figure. “Nah, this one looks different.” I thought as I pulled the cord.

WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. Aaaaa. I knew it. Why TF do they make these sirens so loud?? No, really. Why? Fcuk. What do I do now? OMG. “Dude, now you’re screwed” I said to myself. WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. “Ok, calm down. Think. Pull on the cord again.” Nah, not helping. WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. Found some switch on the opposite wall. “Push the fcuking button. Press, man.” Why doesn’t it stop? WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP.

You know, looking for a solution in the dark toilette while the bloody alarm was beeping as loud as it possibly could… fcuk. Why such sh*t always happens to me?

Sometimes I get into situations… oh, man… just like Peter Sellers in “The Party”. “Birdy nam nam”.

WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP Ok, this will obviously not stop beeping by itself… and before paramedics or firemen storm the floor, I better ask for help.

So I went back to the meeting room and explained the situation as good as I could… oh, boy. My face was probably red as lobster. Three colleagues and my new boss followed me to the toilette, looking for the way to switch off the bloody alarm.

And finally, an older colleague did it. That switch which I was also trying to press… you have to press it twice in a row. Quickly. Tack-tack. And then the alarm finally stopped. Huh.

An then the boss asked: “but, say, why did you pull on that cord?” Hm. Yeah. Why? “I just wanted to turn on the light.” And then the other colleague started making funny remarks: “and why in the world did you use disabled toilette??” But, man, I didn’t. I didn’t even start using it…

And then we all went back to the meeting room to finish the meeting. Calmly, as if nothing happened.

OMG. A bit of excitement the very first day. This job is bound to be something totally different… haha. 🤗

Successfully traded Tesla stock today

Guys and gals!! Good news! Today I traded Tesla (stock) and I earned… now check this out… are you ready? Here it comes… at least 40 euros! Bam. 💶. Yeah, baby. That’s four times 10 EUR, y’all! Wow. Such a great feeling, hard to describe. Another 50-60 such trades and I’m back in the game. Haha. Ok, enough of that irony. Irony is a poison anyway… forget about it…

Wait, don’t forget it yet. Let me brag a bit more. Yesterday they announced that Tesla Inc. will be accepted to S&P500 next month, so I bought a few shares. And, as predicted (by literally everyone in the financial world), Tesla shares went up, up, up.

Only, for me it went like: “up, up, ok, sell!”

I closed the position at 384 EUR (hm… “closed the position“; yeah, right, as if I was in a couple of million, haha 😊). Anyways, this is what todays Tesla Inc. chart looked like at the end of the day:

Tesla Inc. stock chart on November 18th, 2020

See that flat-ish line around 10:48 AM? Yeah… Well, that’s when I sold my shares. Because, you know… you never know in the stock market… it can go up or fall down the very next moment. I could have earned a few hundred EUR instead a few dozen, had I played it differently. Lesson learned: leaving too early can be just as bad as cumming too early…

But… since my FOMO move last time, I’ve reflected a lot on how I went nuts on that last trade a few days ago and also read a lot about (trading) psychology in the meantime. Check this out: there seems to be a cure for FOMO! It’s called JOMO, which stands for “Joy of missing out”. No kidding! Essentially, you’re supposed to train yourself to be happy when you’re NOT participating in a trade (or other activity).

Oh well… as they say: “sometimes you lose and sometimes the others win”.

Nah, that was silly… 😊

On a more serious note, this situation reminded me of the Buddhist concept of “mudita” which means feeling sympathetic joy, joy for the success of others. So, yeah… after I exited the game at 384 EUR, I was still checking the chart from time to time, questioning my today’s reasoning / trading strategy and also feeling happy for those dudes and dudettes who stayed invested as the share price went up.

I mean, I don’t lose anything if other investors win. So, nothing prevents me from feeling happy for them. It’s a strange, uncommon feeling, really.

I hope, some day soon, I’ll be the one whose stocks are going up, up, up… 📈 and some capitalist empath out there will be rejoicing my success… 😇

Becoming the best version of myself

For some time now I’m trying to become the best version of myself. In every possible way: physically, mentally, spiritually, you name it.

And, of course, whenever you wish for something, followed by taking action to achieve that ‘something’, there’s almost no way you can fail (unless you wished for something that is objectively unattainable in this world or in your particular situation 😇). So, yes, I’m seeing some progress. I’ve radically changed my way of thinking and also the way I look at things (and people). But, it’s a long road ahead, I can feel that…

Since I embarked on this self development journey, every now and then I would run into people who (I recon) are probably not even aware of the possibility of taking the personal development / self improvement path. So whenever I bump into an old friend who is (obviously) not very much into competing against his yesterday’s self and we touch the subject of self improvement, the conversation goes approximately like this:

Old friend: “Dude, you’re just overthinking and making it too hard on yourself. Relax, man. Chill. Have a beer. And don’t forget to enjoy life, ok?”

Me (thinking, but not saying out loud): “But… I am enjoying life. I’m truly and totally enjoying this transformation from a pessimistic, chronically broke, financially uneducated, materialistic, drinking, smoking, fat, lazy, crooked teeth, planless, disorganized, nothing-ever-works-out-my-way-anyway, victim mentality, spiritually unawaken, sleep-walking-through-the-9to5-life and ungrateful type of guy to a… complete opposite!”

Also me (actually answering the question): “Yeah, sure! Enjoying life is important. And of course, you could be right about overthinking. But, you see, once you actually start thinking about the various aspects of life, about the reasons of our existance, our purpose, you can never be sure if you actually are overthinking or is it your deep reflection that went too far, too deep… ah, never mind. Forget it. Have a good one. Bye! 🤗”

What usually comes to my mind in such moments is that cute illustration with the caterpillar and a beautiful butterfly sitting at a dining table, drinking wine like two old friends and the caterpillar says to the butterfly: “You’ve changed.” The butterfly then replies: “We’re supposed to.”

Does it hurt? The transformation? When the cocoon rips open and the butterfly tries to slip through this small opening, before entering a whole new, different world as a new being, with a different perspective… well, sometimes it does. In my experience at least. But in a nice way. Let’s call it the “pain of creation”.

Wait a second. I gotta check something… Ok, so I just googled for “the pain of creation”. Oh, well, this expression exists already. For the moment I thought I came up with such a great new expression… haha. Yep. My Ego us still quite alive (but I’m at least aware of this). And… I’m obviously still somewhat naïve (or uninformed) in my mid-40’s. Like a grown up child. Haha. 😊 Ok, now, back to the topic…

So, yes, this (re-)birth does hurt. Sometimes. The only analogy I can think of right now is: building muscles. Do muscles hurt after a really good workout in the gym? Yes. But, do you worry about it? No. Do you focus on that pain? No. You’re actually looking forward to it. So, if big muscles (i.e. self improvement, starting a new life) is what you’re after, then you’re looking forward to this pain.

I guess only a person who is not on this “self improvement” trip could then ask: “Why are you doing this to yourself if it hurts?? Why don’t you just chill on the couch and enjoy life? Why do you have to change?”

“Because we’re supposed to.” Butterfly

FOMO (Fear of missing out)

Today morning I woke up very early, feeling totally positive and confident that this day will be “my day”. Yeah baby. The world is mine. Yep, FU Tony Montana… Today the world is mine.

So I opened this huge window which is almost as big as the entire outer wall of my little flat, let the fresh Berlin morning air enter this little kingdom of mine, launched YouTube and sang along “Good morning, starshine” (OST from the motion picture “Hair”; beautiful song, one of my favorites; make sure to check it out).

Why all this enthusiasm? And what’s the deal with FOMO? Well, as I already wrote, since April or so I’ve been more or less actively trading on the stock market. You know, buy low, sell high. And it worked for me so far.

And as of yesterday evening I had only a handful of stocks in my portfolio:

Cisco Systems which I decided to keep when it dropped 22% after last earnings in August
Nokia, which was supposed to be my long-term 5G play but it became my trading cannon fodder (which, unfortunately, I bought right before it tanked from ca. 3,60 EUR to ca. 2,70 EUR) and
Varta AG, which had earnings report scheduled for today.

Now, there was all this hype regarding Varta for at least three months i.e. since their last earnings (Q2 results presentation). Everybody was like: price per share is about to explode: two fold, ten fold, whatever.

And I believed the hype. Not to a 100% but I was carried by the optimism of the others. A friend of mine (who’s opinion I respect a lot) warned me once that there might be a bit too much hype built into this Varta AG stock and that it might retreat very soon… and there are the short sellers, too, pushing the price downwards.

So I was unsure what to do. Believe all the hype in the discussion boards? Or trust my knowledgable friend? I thought, come on, his crystal ball could be just about as good as any other…

Therefore I decided to do the following: purchase Varta stock BUT sell before ER (earnings release). Ha! Just how cool am I? Sometimes share price goes up right before the earnings (and sometimes plunges right after the results are announced).

And that’s exactly what I did. Purchased a few shares and sold at a small profit yesterday evening, a minute before the market closed. Yay! 🙂

The whole market setup, stock movement and my gut feeling was very similar to that August evening when I failed to sell the shi**y Cisco stock, which made me a major bagholder ever since… You see, when every mom and pap are discussing a stock in various trading discussion boards and looking forward to the big surge after the ER, but the stock itself is reluctant to move up – then you know something is fishy. Ok, I’m lying. You can never know how the stock markets will react to ER, otherwise there would be many more billionaires than there are now. But, from my humble experience, that’s a good indicator.

So I sold bloody Varta stock yesterday evening and today morning I woke up with only Cisco Systems (my current gains from this stock are at -1.500 EUR; yep, that’s minus 1.500 EUR) and Nokia (with an avg. purchase price of 3,17 EUR and a sell order standing at 3,185 EUR).

And this is where FOMO comes into play… FOMO stands for “Fear of Missing Out” and it is probably the biggest psychological challenge for anyone who’s into trading or investing. I woke up extra early today, to read the Varta AG press release which was so ridiculously positive and hurried to buy 30 shares at any price (‘knowing’ or expecting that the stock will surge after such a positive earnings release).

Ok, but, was that all? Unfortunately not, dudes and dudettes… read on…

The stock did surge at first. Bam 💥. But then… I got greedy beyond comprehension and I sold all of my Nokia shares at a huge loss in order to purchase more Varta AG shares (which in the meantime already went up by an euro or two…). Wooohooo! I’m in. All in, so to say. Oh, yeah, BTW, that’s another stupid thing to do – going all in is usually not a good idea…

So I sold Nokia (BTW, to make it even ‘better’, bloody online Broker/Stock Exchange had split my order and sold a smaller portion at a somewhat higher price and the rest went dirt cheap. Like, really, really cheap. So cheap that I’m now expecting a loss of ca. 2000-3000 EUR). With these funds I bought another 170 shares of Varta. Yes, baby. Let’s go! Bam. 200 shares packed in a rocket. Now there’s no stopping before we reach the moon… 🚀

My rationale was: Varta will cover for Nokia loss, so everything is gonna be just fine. And then… Varta stock took a plunge. Like a stone. Blump.

So now not only I have incurred losses with Nokia (oh, you know what’s even better? Nokia reached and exceeded my previously set TP at 3,185 EUR just half an hour after I sold all the shares at a huge loss (as the mater of fact, it even went up to 3,2 EUR). Meaning – I could have exited Nokia position today morning with ca. 200/300 EUR win. Haha. FU Murphy. Yep. FU big time dude. And F your stupid law, too).

Lessons learned:

1. No FOMO
2. Don’t be greedy
3. Making a big buck in a single transaction depends a lot on luck (which may or may not come)
4. The big money is not in the buying or selling. But in the waiting (Charlie Munger)
5. Never go all in

Overall, my portfolio is still positive (I hope; we’ll see tomorrow; haha 😊). But today I decimated my gains which I’ve been slowly making since June and that’s a pity. But, you know what – I’m neither too sad nor mad about today’s experience. Of course I’m not happy about it, either. It’s just another lesson. Big money comes slowly. This is one thing I definitely need to remember.

And no more FOMO for me! (fingers crossed 😊)

Diversify, but not too much (a.k.a. sniper vs. shotgun dilemma)

Sniper vs. shotgun

I’m currently reading a book on swing trading and the heading of one of the chapters reads: “Diversify, but not too much“. Which, of course, totally makes sense – on the one hand, you want to diversify your portfolio in order to reduce the risk (of losing money if any single company goes bust) and on the other hand you want to concentrate your resources (trading budget) on only a few stocks in order to be able to get some serious gains. Because, if you stretch your budget across a thousand stocks, you’ll probably be waiting for a long, long time until you see any noteworthy returns.

Now, I’ve been struggling with above topic a lot in the past. Albeit in a completely different sphere of life (before I even knew that investing or swing trading existed).

If you followed me on Instagram (@newlifeguru), you would have noticed that I don’t seem to be a very focused guy I have so many different fields of interest. Currently I’m into learning jazz guitar, self-improvement, yoga, spirituality, motivational quotes, entrepreneurship, stock markets, personal finance, investing and trading, taekwondo, fitness and learning Chinese. Oh, and healthy food & nutrition, too. Hm… and Buddhism. And recording audio books. And songwriting. Huh. Ok, I guess that about rounds it up. 😊 You see? A lot.

Oh, wait! Recently I also started learning Scratch 3 (but gave it up after realising that I’m fighting on too many battlefields already). And did I mention calligraphy? And Excel/VBA? No? Hm… add that to the above list, as well.

And here comes the sniper vs. shotgun dilemma: me being a “shotgun” type of person (many projectiles flying all over the place) – I figured that being a “sniper” type would have helped me achieve more in life. You know, focus on one thing and streamline all the energy and ressources into achieving that one “thing”, that one goal.

Sniper fires only one projectile, but it shoots very precisely and has a far reach. Chance of a sniper shot hitting bulls eye is huge. Aim. Fire. Bam!

A shotgun on the other hand spreads many projectiles in various directions: jazz guitar, learning Chinese, yoga, fitness, trading, calligraphy… You get to learn and enjoy so many things. Of course, it comes with a price tag attached: none of the shots has the impact of the sniper shot. I mean, each day has only so many hours and each of us has only a finite amount of money and energy. Therefore, if you channel all your efforts in a single endeavour, you’re more likely to succeed in that one endeavour. But… you have to chose one goal which implies that you must get rid of the rest. Yeah, that’s a real bummer, I know. And this is my biggest problem, too.

Getting rid of stuff and adopting a minimalist lifestyle was not very hard for me. The really hard part is getting rid of things you want to do in life, new things you want to learn, new experiences etc. I want all of the above mentioned. 😊 But I’m slowly realising I can’t have it all, at least not right now. And this is where my investing guru, my idol, my fellow investor, Mr. Warren Buffett steps in…

Warren Buffett’s 5/25 Rule

Dudes and dudettes (I’m addressing those of you who are like me, more of a “shotgun type”) – I think I found a solution for all of us: there is a strategy called 5/25 (which the Internet community attributes to Warren Buffett). This strategy is very simple, one just needs to follow these three steps:

1. List 25 important things you wish to do, experience, accomplish, learn in your life.

2. Now circle the 5 most important ones.

3. Focus all your ressources on those 5 and forget the rest (for the moment, at least).

Cool, no? I haven’t implemented it yet. But I’ll make sure to do so very soon! I’ll keep you posted.


Today I woke up around 6 AM, free as a bird. My quarantine days are over – yesterday was the last day. Quickly got up, put on my clothes and went out for a walk in this beautiful sunny morning. Took a breath of the early morning Berliner air… What a feeling! Indescribable.


Freedom is so precious, dudes and dudettes. Most of us don’t even realise this and most people take it for granted, along with good health, clean food and running water.

My foundation: alive, healthy and free. Everything else comes on top. Of course, each of us decides for themselves how many storeys they wish to build on top of the foundation and how they wish to build it: having a family, being rich, being famous, being spiritual, being the best mathematician in the world, having the best looking athletic body, etc…

So, sorry Janis, I love your music but this time I prefer to put it the other way around: Freedom’s not another word for “nothing left to lose” but “from here you start to gain”.

Be thankful, my friends. Appreciate what you already have!

Addicted to protein bars

Protein bars – my staple food

Dudes and dudettes, I’m addicted to protein bars. And then some. I’ve been locked in this Covid-19 home-quarantine of mine for so many days already, so naturally at some point I ran out of protein bars… And that’s a big problem. Uhm. Yep. It is.

So I had to order another big batch online, via Amzn. You know I adore Amzn and I even co-owned this company for a while (I mean the one single share which I bought and then sold prematurely 😊). But this time they failed miserably. Instead of the promissed overnight delivery, I received an email which says: “…cannot be delivered…” WTF? Where is this world heading to, if even Amzn overnight delivery is not functioning properly. Oh, man. Anyways…

Today, when the door bell rang, I ran to open the door. Hm. Oh, well… It was a delivery all right, but the parcel was for the neighbour who was not at home at the moment. Duh.

Few hours later – the door bell rang again and for the moment I felt how saliva almost spilled over my bottom lip… I ran to the door. Yep. Delivery. For me. Oh, boy. I ripped the box open and I probably ate 5 or 6 of those protein bars. At the very least. 😳 Binge eating protein bars. How crazy is that? I mean, I do want to have that Spiderman physique, but I guess soon I could be leaving the quarantine looking more like Hulk…


I started learning Chinese a few months ago. Again. After ca. 18 years. And honestly, I’m amazed at how much of it stayed with me over the years. Back in 2002 we were living in Taipei (and BTW, I wish we stayed there 🤷🏻‍♂️) and for me to get the visa extended, I had to attend a language course. Every day – from 9 AM to 1:30 PM. I thoroughly enjoyed it, it was really fun.

Right now I’m learning Mandarin Chinese, simplified (characters have fewer strokes and are somewhat easier to remember). Back in Taiwan we also learned Mandarin, only with traditional characters (mucho complicated).

Today, if you wish to (or need to) learn a foreign language you really have no excuses: free Youtube videos, free apps (such as Duo***go), you name it… All it takes is some willpower, a few spare minutes a day and an Internet connection. No excuses. Really. 😊

再见! [zài jiàn] = Good bye!

* The blog post title reads: “Teacher Lee is not happy today.

Greetings from the quarantine

Last two weeks I spent in Belgrade, on a mission I named “Wisdom tooth”. And… Mission accomplished! I don’t have any wisdom teeth left in my jaw. Yay! All four are out now. I know you’re dying to know more about it, so I’ll make sure to write about this in a separate blog post. 😀And… guess what – all of this is just a part of a much bigger mission: “Hollywood teeth” (orthodontic therapy). Yeah, I know, I should have written about it, too. I promise I’ll make it up to you.

But… what’s with the “greetings from the quarantine”, you’re asking? Oh, well… let me tell ya…

Home sweet home (well, sort of…)

I came back to Germany yesterday, after two weeks spent in Belgrade (spent mostly in bed, recovering from the surgery, chasing lady luck i.e. business ideas on the Internet and learning about the working of stock markets). As naive as I am, I honestly thought that it would be an easy thing to do – fly from Berlin to Belgrade, get things done and fly right back to Berlin amid ongoing pandemic. Serbian news were all about the “summer season opening” and “easing of COVID-19 restrictions“, so I was totally optimistic about the whole endeavour. In addition, travellers from Serbia were one of the few (outside the EU, of course) to be allowed unrestricted entry in the EU zone during the pandemic.

I was supposed to have the wisdom tooth surgery done back in March, but then the whole world suddenly came to a halt because of the Corona virus and unfortunately it had to be postponed to a later date. The moment air traffic was re-established, I rebooked the tickets and hoped for the best.

Flying to Belgrade was really easy-peasy, everything seemed to have came back to normal after months of Covid restrictions: getting to the airport went really smooth, check-in also went totally smooth, security control, passport control, boarding… everything worked like a charm. Just like the good old days. If it weren’t for the bloody mask. From the moment you enter city transportation in Berlin until the moment you exit the airport building in Belgrade – you’re obliged to wear a mask covering your mouth and nose. But, ok. That’s really no biggie and something that’s relatively easy to get used to.

On the way back I had a totally different story: red eye flight in the early morning hours. Airport Belgrade recommends all passengers to be at the airport three hours ahead of the scheduled departure due to COVID-19 restrictions. In my case this meant being at the airport at ca. 4 AM. Oh, man. But me, a smartass, I thought: I’ll check-in online and then I wouldn’t have to be at the airport three hours before departure… I mean, c’mon. Three hours for a short haul flight? That’s crazy. Something went wrong with the online check-in, so I called the customer service: “Due to current situation and travel restrictions, you can check-in online only if you are holding the passport of the EU country you’re flying to“. Duh. OK, never mind… I guess I’ll be getting up in the middle of the night then…

Arrived at the airport. Some Greek guy in front of me has been questioned by the check-in staff as if he was some kind of a criminal suspect: “Where are you flying to?” “Why?” “Do you live in Germany?” “Do you have a registration certificate showing that you live in Germany?” “Show me any other proof that you reside in Germany.” Poor guy was just shrugging his shoulders and turning to his travel companion, as if he was desparately asking for an answer or support. Under normal circumstances, EU citizens can travell accross EU countries without any restrictions, so this treatment must have been quite a surprise for the poor guy.

And then it was my turn… I approached the check-in desk and immediately started taking out all kinds of documents which I had on me, which would prove that I actually live in Germany. The young lady at the check-in then said: “Sir, there is no need for you to act like that. Please wait a moment”. And then she called her boss. Normally I’m an optimistic person, but at that moment, at that airport I felt like “this must be the place where optimism comes to die”.

Luckily, check-in supervisor decided that I presented enough evidence of my living in Germany and she had her young colleague check me in.

I immediately went upstairs to the passport control area… Dudes, you’ve never seen such a dystopic scene: the whole floor was literally empty. Empty. Not a soul. Just two young ladies standing in front of the long passport control queue, who would normally be steering hundreds of passengers, one for business passengers and one for economy. Other than those two and myself there were no passengers, no employees, no one. Everything was so quiet. Pripyat mode. I’ve never cleared passport control that quickly. Five seconds all together: “Good morning”. Check. Stamp. “Have a nice flight”. Crazy shit…

Welcome to Bundesrepublik Deutschland

Upon arrival I was getting ready to rush through the passport control and head right home. But unfortunately that was not the case. Again, two young (police-)women and a bunch of questions: “Where are you coming from?” “What is the purpose of your visit to Germany?” etc. Oh, man. Ladies. I live here. This is my “home”.

I’ve been away, now I’m returning “home”. “Please show me your registration certificate”, she asked. But I didn’t have the bloody registration certificate on me. I mean, who in the world would be carrying on them a document printed on an A4 paper? Who? “Many travellers have this document on them. Please write down your home address here and we’ll check” …and she handed me a ballpen and her official notebook with the light blue cover and lettering “Bundespolizei”. What? Now she’ll have my address written in her police notebook, as if I was some kind of criminal case?

“Here lady… you see…” again I took out all of my documents: my German driver’s licence, my German health insurance card, my German Mastercard, my… uh… Dudes. Let me tell you one thing: if you find yourself in situations where you feel like you’re on candid camera too often, most probably you’re doing something wrong. I think of this everytime I get this feeling… ah, never mind… you know what happened then? The moment I wrote down the address and handed back the notebook, the other policewoman hung up the phone and turned to her colleague: “It’s ok. You can let him in”.

“Sir, before you go… please take these documents and study them carefully” said the policewoman.

“Ok, I will. Thank you. Have a nice day!” I replied and went to catch the bus…

Once I was sitting in the bus I read the heading of the documents I just received at the border control: “Regulation for persons entering Germany in connection with the novel coronavirus SARS-CoV-2“. Oh, no… Dear travellers, … blabla bla… if you’ve spent any time within 14 days prior to entering Germany in a country which is designated as risk area by Robert Koch Instituteproceed directly to… quarantine… and remain there exclusively for a period of 14 days. Moreover, you are required to contact the local health office without delay and inform the latter of your entry into the country.

So I contacted local “Gesundheitsamt” (health office) upon arrival and now I’ll be sitting at home for the next two weeks. Perfect chance to make some money on the stock exchange… haha 🤑