My correspondence with Dr. Grosz

I ran across a video on tiktok dealing with the topic of “Levels of Conciousness”, which I loved a lot! In that video, Dr. Grosz explains how she lost interest in partying, alcohol, etc. And I left a comment how I went through a similar process. So I followed her, she followed back and… I felt like sharing a bit more of my story…

Me (commenting): “I stopped drinking, smoking (actually hate it now), got rid of negativity, most of my belongings… started meditating, brathing (exercises), yoga…”

She (replying): “Sounds like we’re on a similar journey 🤍”

Me (replying): “I started my new journey recently (5-6 yrs ago): humility, gratitude, honesty (see blog:, good deeds, creativity, mudita, ahimsa…”

So now that we were contacts, I thought I could simply DM her my story… 😇

Hey there Dr. Grosz, thanks for following! 🤗 So glad I found you. You see, in my ‘real’ (non digital) life, I’d have to look for people like you for a long, long time… Yeah, this virtual, digital life is probably going to become ‘the new normal’ (i.e. integral part of the real life), but that’s a completely different story…

This raised level of consciousness happened relatively spontaineously in my case. And I’ve got a presentinent telling me that there is still a long process ahead. As they say: ‘you cannot unlearn it’. There’s no going back…

So, yeah, giving up on all the poison (nicotine, caffeine, alcohol) was defo a part of this journey. Out of those, only smoking was really hard to give up (5-6 years ago; right now I literaly detest anything that has to do with smoking). Now I find absolutely no joy in any of these.

The other day I had a casual conversation at work and this colleague went like: “oh so you managed to force yourself to do without cigs, coffee & alcohol?” And I had a really hard time explaining that I’m not forcing it. I just don’t want to put poison in my body. “My body is my temple”, as they say. You don’t walk into a temple and take a leak in the corner. So why would you do that to your body? But… they just looked at me: “so you’re trying to do without? Such a pity. You don’t know what you’re missing!” Ehm, dude, I thought to myself – you don’t know what you are missing…

All of a sudden, enjoying little things became a bliss. Walking past a garden full of flowers, now I stop for a moment and enjoy all that beauty. 🌺🌸 I would have never ever done something like that in the past… now I do it on a regular basis…

Feeling some strange kind of happiness and joy for others – when I see or hear they’re doing well, that they’re winning in life… that would bring me so much joy. It’s crazy because – this would happen even with complete strangers. Later on I discovered that there is a Sanskrit term for this: “mudita”. This is also something that came more or less spontaneously along the way…

Doing good (deeds), serving others is another aspect of my journey… ok, I was never doing ‘evil’ to others but – there’s a difference… later on I learned there is a word for this, too – “karma”. Yeah, I know, karma is a bit broader term than purely doing good, but…

But latest when you start taking out spiders or small bugs from your flat outside, instead of simply smashing them & throwing them in a thrash can… then you… ok, I don’t know about you but – it became obvious to me that I’m entering new, uncharted waters. Now I do it (almost) every time… 🤷🏻‍♂️ Sometimes I just ignore them little creatures. I haven’t killed a bug for a long, long time. I know, it sounds weird but it’s not.

And so on… sorry if I have bothered you with this story of mine. ☺️ There are so many other discoveries I made along my journey of what I know now is called ‘awakening’, but I’ll leave them for some other time. I was just glad I finally found someone who is going through a similar process, so I felt like sharing… 🤗

Keep in touch! Best regards from Berlin, NewLifeGuru

You dont look ur age at all

My tiktok friend: You dont look ur age at all

Me: Thank you! Yeah, life has been good to me for the most part. Sometimes I cannot even believe it myself… I’ve already passed the midlife point. Midlife crisis and all that sh!$? I left that behind me… OMG. It went so fast. Too fast. Up to the age of 20-25 I had all the time in the world. Then all of the sudden, as if I stepped on the fast forward button without noticing – FFW 20(-ish) years, here I am. Lost AF and trying to swim in the middle of the ocean… 🤷🏻‍♂️

Honesty, oneness and total happiness

When I tell someone some snippet of my life story and they go: “oh, thank you so much for your openness and honesty” or “oh, wow, I appreciate your honesty” I immediately think of two things:

1. I either overloaded the poor person with too much information they didn’t need or cannot / don’t want to deal with (ups, sorry 🥴) or…

2. That person hasn’t yet experienced the beautiful feeling of oneness with the universal energy (call it God if you want, Jesus, Buddha or whatever… or destiny).

You see, when you start letting go, opening up and becoming one with the universe, there seems to be no other way to communicate but through absolute honesty. There is no point in hiding anything from yourself or others because… you are the universe.

…or at least that’s the feeling I’m getting from time to time (and it keeps coming more often recently). 💫

It only gets stupid when you feel the need to communicate this way in ‘real life’ situations, with ‘real life’ people. Because… when you open up and let your guard down, you become vulnerable. Very vulnerable. Obviously, because you deactivated all your shields and all protection mechanisms in order to become one with the… ah, you know.

So, sometimes some people will try to take advantage of you (see you as a fool perhaps, or…), some will simply be confused, for they’re not at all used to this kind of communication… and then there are those who will understand you and try to glide along with you… you know, like two sailplanes gliding next to each other accross the skies on a beautiful sunny day. Each in their own space but gliding and enjoying that feeling together…

Now, if all of this sounds like a bunch of crap written by some random cuckoo on the Internet – I’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced this feeling of oneness and total happiness yet. Because if you did, you would be coming back for more… and then some…

No, but seriously, tell me… have you? Please comment below.

What can I do to make this world a better place?

Yesterday I went to bed after watching Bloomberg Risk Takers video about Elon Musk (check it out on YT -> How I became the real ‘Iron Man’) and today I woke up thinking: “and what tf can I do to make this world a better place?”

For so many people this is pure luxury, isnt’t it? Thinking of “what good can I do today?” “How can I serve the mankind?”

But such thoughts also come at a cost – I feel quite a pressure from inside. I wish to contribute but… I’m not Elon Musk. Or Albert Einstein. I am no genius… I’m just an ordinary dude. 🤷🏻‍♂️

So I decided I’ll just continue sharing genuine positivity on IG. Perhaps I won’t be able to change the whole world for better. But even if my posts help one out of 8 billion people – I’ve done some good. I guess. Maybe I’m making it too easy for myself? Haha.

Have a wonderful Sunday, folks! 🤗


Dudes and dudettes, dear friends, I got my first anti Covid jab today. Oh, yeah. 💪 Fcuk you, Rona!

Initially I intended to skip the vaccine all together and just wait for 60-70% of the population to be vaccinated, so that heard immunity kicks in…

But I guess I was not the only one with this idea. Haha. The problem is – if everybody is waiting for the other guy (or gal) to take the vaccine and be part of those 60%, we would never get there.

So today, when I (surprisingly) got the chance to get vaccinated – I said yes. Didn’t even think twice. Filled out the form and after a short chit-chat with Frau Doktor, she rolled up my t-shirt sleeve, not even trying to hide her admiration for my big, strong muscles…

Nah, I wish. Haha. She didn’t admire shit. Instead she routinely asked: “right or left handed?” I barely answered “righ..”, when she rammed that needle right into my arm and said: ok, that’s it! You’re done!

What? Done? Already? Oh, man. That was quite unspectacular. Who would have thought that saving the world would be so easy…

A little rant on a cold Saturday afternoon…

I started noticing how (some) folks love approaching you with their problems, asking for help or advice…

…and when you provide them with a workable solution for their situation, they simply ignore it and move on approaching further people with the same scenario.

As if they were never interested in the solution. Instead, they seem to be interested in having a problem. And what’s more – they seem to be looking for compassion, for someone who’s willing to listen to them whining.

And also looking for confirmation that their situation is really, really hard AF and that there is no way out, whatever they do (only they never actually do anything to change their situation).

I’m not claiming that the solution I’m able to offer is THE solution and that it is the only right way to go. But, hey – if you have a problem… say you’re behing a steering wheel in a car, heading straight towards a concrete wall at full speed and screaming for help. Man, doing just about anything is for sure better than sitting there and asking for compassion. Step on the brake bloody mofo, turn left, turn right, jump out of the car, do whatever… because the next moment – you’ll crash into that concrete wall…

So, next time someone you trust gives you a solid advice, you might as well at least have a deeper look at it. Unless, of course, you prefer being a poor SOB, hiding behind that victim role, continually looking for compassion.

At the end, you know how they say: don’t tell your problems to people – 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them…

Boah. So much negativity and rant in this blog post. Haha. Let me see if we can turn this around with this short anecdote by the late Zig Ziglar:

Son comes home and says: ”Dad, I flunked my arithmetic test today.”

Dad says: “Son, there’s too much negativity in what you’re saying. I told you to be positive about things.”

His son then replied: “Okay dad, I’m positive I flunked that arithmetic test.”

New year – new job – new start

Papa’s got a brand new job. Again. But this time I ain’t gonna write about it. Because last time I announced my new job on this blog – it didn’t end all that well… ok, perhaps I’ll share just this short anecdote of my first day at work.

First Monday of the new year, my first day at the new company. Team meeting. Kick off meeting, so to say. Started at 8 AM and didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. It was all about the usual stuff: new team members short introduction, where do we stand, future plans…

My new colleagues would occasionally get up during the meeting, quietly leave the room and go to the men’s room. One after another, taking care not to disturb the flow of the meeting…

Somewhere around noon, I felt it was time for me to get up and go freshen up a bit. And then I thought: “shall I ask where the toilet was?” Nah, that would just disturb the meeting. I’ll just quietly get up, walk to the door, exit the meeting room and look for the toilet. I mean, how hard can that be?

Said. Done. Got up, went to the door, slowly closed the door behind me on the way out… and now? Left? Right? Left. Ok. So i walked down the long corridor looking for the toilet. And sure enough – I found it. Ladies’ toilet. Duh. Ok, look further… next door: WC for disabled persons. Oh, man. Next door: storage room. Crazy shit. And where’s the men’s room?

I didn’t want to be absent from the meeting for too long, so I decided to use the disabled toilette. Opened the door, stepped in and… no light. Fcuk. Usually they have movement detector in the disabled toilettes, which switches on the light the moment you enter. But not here…

The toilette was spacey, as they usually are, but I couldn’t see sh*t because there was no light. No light switch on the wall. Bravo. Who TF makes a toilette where you cannot even switch on the light??

On the wall across the door there was a red cord hanging from the ceiling, so i figured this must be some kind of alarm, you know, if something happens or assistance is needed… so I looked further: ah, how cool is this. Another cord hanging from the wall next to the lamp just above the mirror. Can it be alarm, too? Hm. Go figure. “Nah, this one looks different.” I thought as I pulled the cord.

WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. Aaaaa. I knew it. Why TF do they make these sirens so loud?? No, really. Why? Fcuk. What do I do now? OMG. “Dude, now you’re screwed” I said to myself. WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. “Ok, calm down. Think. Pull on the cord again.” Nah, not helping. WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP. Found some switch on the opposite wall. “Push the fcuking button. Press, man.” Why doesn’t it stop? WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP.

You know, looking for a solution in the dark toilette while the bloody alarm was beeping as loud as it possibly could… fcuk. Why such sh*t always happens to me?

Sometimes I get into situations… oh, man… just like Peter Sellers in “The Party”. “Birdy nam nam”.

WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP WEEP-PEEP Ok, this will obviously not stop beeping by itself… and before paramedics or firemen storm the floor, I better ask for help.

So I went back to the meeting room and explained the situation as good as I could… oh, boy. My face was probably red as lobster. Three colleagues and my new boss followed me to the toilette, looking for the way to switch off the bloody alarm.

And finally, an older colleague did it. That switch which I was also trying to press… you have to press it twice in a row. Quickly. Tack-tack. And then the alarm finally stopped. Huh.

An then the boss asked: “but, say, why did you pull on that cord?” Hm. Yeah. Why? “I just wanted to turn on the light.” And then the other colleague started making funny remarks: “and why in the world did you use disabled toilette??” But, man, I didn’t. I didn’t even start using it…

And then we all went back to the meeting room to finish the meeting. Calmly, as if nothing happened.

OMG. A bit of excitement the very first day. This job is bound to be something totally different… haha. 🤗

Successfully traded Tesla stock today

Guys and gals!! Good news! Today I traded Tesla (stock) and I earned… now check this out… are you ready? Here it comes… at least 40 euros! Bam. 💶. Yeah, baby. That’s four times 10 EUR, y’all! Wow. Such a great feeling, hard to describe. Another 50-60 such trades and I’m back in the game. Haha. Ok, enough of that irony. Irony is a poison anyway… forget about it…

Wait, don’t forget it yet. Let me brag a bit more. Yesterday they announced that Tesla Inc. will be accepted to S&P500 next month, so I bought a few shares. And, as predicted (by literally everyone in the financial world), Tesla shares went up, up, up.

Only, for me it went like: “up, up, ok, sell!”

I closed the position at 384 EUR (hm… “closed the position“; yeah, right, as if I was in a couple of million, haha 😊). Anyways, this is what todays Tesla Inc. chart looked like at the end of the day:

Tesla Inc. stock chart on November 18th, 2020

See that flat-ish line around 10:48 AM? Yeah… Well, that’s when I sold my shares. Because, you know… you never know in the stock market… it can go up or fall down the very next moment. I could have earned a few hundred EUR instead a few dozen, had I played it differently. Lesson learned: leaving too early can be just as bad as cumming too early…

But… since my FOMO move last time, I’ve reflected a lot on how I went nuts on that last trade a few days ago and also read a lot about (trading) psychology in the meantime. Check this out: there seems to be a cure for FOMO! It’s called JOMO, which stands for “Joy of missing out”. No kidding! Essentially, you’re supposed to train yourself to be happy when you’re NOT participating in a trade (or other activity).

Oh well… as they say: “sometimes you lose and sometimes the others win”.

Nah, that was silly… 😊

On a more serious note, this situation reminded me of the Buddhist concept of “mudita” which means feeling sympathetic joy, joy for the success of others. So, yeah… after I exited the game at 384 EUR, I was still checking the chart from time to time, questioning my today’s reasoning / trading strategy and also feeling happy for those dudes and dudettes who stayed invested as the share price went up.

I mean, I don’t lose anything if other investors win. So, nothing prevents me from feeling happy for them. It’s a strange, uncommon feeling, really.

I hope, some day soon, I’ll be the one whose stocks are going up, up, up… 📈 and some capitalist empath out there will be rejoicing my success… 😇

Becoming the best version of myself

For some time now I’m trying to become the best version of myself. In every possible way: physically, mentally, spiritually, you name it.

And, of course, whenever you wish for something, followed by taking action to achieve that ‘something’, there’s almost no way you can fail (unless you wished for something that is objectively unattainable in this world or in your particular situation 😇). So, yes, I’m seeing some progress. I’ve radically changed my way of thinking and also the way I look at things (and people). But, it’s a long road ahead, I can feel that…

Since I embarked on this self development journey, every now and then I would run into people who (I recon) are probably not even aware of the possibility of taking the personal development / self improvement path. So whenever I bump into an old friend who is (obviously) not very much into competing against his yesterday’s self and we touch the subject of self improvement, the conversation goes approximately like this:

Old friend: “Dude, you’re just overthinking and making it too hard on yourself. Relax, man. Chill. Have a beer. And don’t forget to enjoy life, ok?”

Me (thinking, but not saying out loud): “But… I am enjoying life. I’m truly and totally enjoying this transformation from a pessimistic, chronically broke, financially uneducated, materialistic, drinking, smoking, fat, lazy, crooked teeth, planless, disorganized, nothing-ever-works-out-my-way-anyway, victim mentality, spiritually unawaken, sleep-walking-through-the-9to5-life and ungrateful type of guy to a… complete opposite!”

Also me (actually answering the question): “Yeah, sure! Enjoying life is important. And of course, you could be right about overthinking. But, you see, once you actually start thinking about the various aspects of life, about the reasons of our existance, our purpose, you can never be sure if you actually are overthinking or is it your deep reflection that went too far, too deep… ah, never mind. Forget it. Have a good one. Bye! 🤗”

What usually comes to my mind in such moments is that cute illustration with the caterpillar and a beautiful butterfly sitting at a dining table, drinking wine like two old friends and the caterpillar says to the butterfly: “You’ve changed.” The butterfly then replies: “We’re supposed to.”

Does it hurt? The transformation? When the cocoon rips open and the butterfly tries to slip through this small opening, before entering a whole new, different world as a new being, with a different perspective… well, sometimes it does. In my experience at least. But in a nice way. Let’s call it the “pain of creation”.

Wait a second. I gotta check something… Ok, so I just googled for “the pain of creation”. Oh, well, this expression exists already. For the moment I thought I came up with such a great new expression… haha. Yep. My Ego us still quite alive (but I’m at least aware of this). And… I’m obviously still somewhat naïve (or uninformed) in my mid-40’s. Like a grown up child. Haha. 😊 Ok, now, back to the topic…

So, yes, this (re-)birth does hurt. Sometimes. The only analogy I can think of right now is: building muscles. Do muscles hurt after a really good workout in the gym? Yes. But, do you worry about it? No. Do you focus on that pain? No. You’re actually looking forward to it. So, if big muscles (i.e. self improvement, starting a new life) is what you’re after, then you’re looking forward to this pain.

I guess only a person who is not on this “self improvement” trip could then ask: “Why are you doing this to yourself if it hurts?? Why don’t you just chill on the couch and enjoy life? Why do you have to change?”

“Because we’re supposed to.” Butterfly

FOMO (Fear of missing out)

Today morning I woke up very early, feeling totally positive and confident that this day will be “my day”. Yeah baby. The world is mine. Yep, FU Tony Montana… Today the world is mine.

So I opened this huge window which is almost as big as the entire outer wall of my little flat, let the fresh Berlin morning air enter this little kingdom of mine, launched YouTube and sang along “Good morning, starshine” (OST from the motion picture “Hair”; beautiful song, one of my favorites; make sure to check it out).

Why all this enthusiasm? And what’s the deal with FOMO? Well, as I already wrote, since April or so I’ve been more or less actively trading on the stock market. You know, buy low, sell high. And it worked for me so far.

And as of yesterday evening I had only a handful of stocks in my portfolio:

Cisco Systems which I decided to keep when it dropped 22% after last earnings in August
Nokia, which was supposed to be my long-term 5G play but it became my trading cannon fodder (which, unfortunately, I bought right before it tanked from ca. 3,60 EUR to ca. 2,70 EUR) and
Varta AG, which had earnings report scheduled for today.

Now, there was all this hype regarding Varta for at least three months i.e. since their last earnings (Q2 results presentation). Everybody was like: price per share is about to explode: two fold, ten fold, whatever.

And I believed the hype. Not to a 100% but I was carried by the optimism of the others. A friend of mine (who’s opinion I respect a lot) warned me once that there might be a bit too much hype built into this Varta AG stock and that it might retreat very soon… and there are the short sellers, too, pushing the price downwards.

So I was unsure what to do. Believe all the hype in the discussion boards? Or trust my knowledgable friend? I thought, come on, his crystal ball could be just about as good as any other…

Therefore I decided to do the following: purchase Varta stock BUT sell before ER (earnings release). Ha! Just how cool am I? Sometimes share price goes up right before the earnings (and sometimes plunges right after the results are announced).

And that’s exactly what I did. Purchased a few shares and sold at a small profit yesterday evening, a minute before the market closed. Yay! 🙂

The whole market setup, stock movement and my gut feeling was very similar to that August evening when I failed to sell the shi**y Cisco stock, which made me a major bagholder ever since… You see, when every mom and pap are discussing a stock in various trading discussion boards and looking forward to the big surge after the ER, but the stock itself is reluctant to move up – then you know something is fishy. Ok, I’m lying. You can never know how the stock markets will react to ER, otherwise there would be many more billionaires than there are now. But, from my humble experience, that’s a good indicator.

So I sold bloody Varta stock yesterday evening and today morning I woke up with only Cisco Systems (my current gains from this stock are at -1.500 EUR; yep, that’s minus 1.500 EUR) and Nokia (with an avg. purchase price of 3,17 EUR and a sell order standing at 3,185 EUR).

And this is where FOMO comes into play… FOMO stands for “Fear of Missing Out” and it is probably the biggest psychological challenge for anyone who’s into trading or investing. I woke up extra early today, to read the Varta AG press release which was so ridiculously positive and hurried to buy 30 shares at any price (‘knowing’ or expecting that the stock will surge after such a positive earnings release).

Ok, but, was that all? Unfortunately not, dudes and dudettes… read on…

The stock did surge at first. Bam 💥. But then… I got greedy beyond comprehension and I sold all of my Nokia shares at a huge loss in order to purchase more Varta AG shares (which in the meantime already went up by an euro or two…). Wooohooo! I’m in. All in, so to say. Oh, yeah, BTW, that’s another stupid thing to do – going all in is usually not a good idea…

So I sold Nokia (BTW, to make it even ‘better’, bloody online Broker/Stock Exchange had split my order and sold a smaller portion at a somewhat higher price and the rest went dirt cheap. Like, really, really cheap. So cheap that I’m now expecting a loss of ca. 2000-3000 EUR). With these funds I bought another 170 shares of Varta. Yes, baby. Let’s go! Bam. 200 shares packed in a rocket. Now there’s no stopping before we reach the moon… 🚀

My rationale was: Varta will cover for Nokia loss, so everything is gonna be just fine. And then… Varta stock took a plunge. Like a stone. Blump.

So now not only I have incurred losses with Nokia (oh, you know what’s even better? Nokia reached and exceeded my previously set TP at 3,185 EUR just half an hour after I sold all the shares at a huge loss (as the mater of fact, it even went up to 3,2 EUR). Meaning – I could have exited Nokia position today morning with ca. 200/300 EUR win. Haha. FU Murphy. Yep. FU big time dude. And F your stupid law, too).

Lessons learned:

1. No FOMO
2. Don’t be greedy
3. Making a big buck in a single transaction depends a lot on luck (which may or may not come)
4. The big money is not in the buying or selling. But in the waiting (Charlie Munger)
5. Never go all in

Overall, my portfolio is still positive (I hope; we’ll see tomorrow; haha 😊). But today I decimated my gains which I’ve been slowly making since June and that’s a pity. But, you know what – I’m neither too sad nor mad about today’s experience. Of course I’m not happy about it, either. It’s just another lesson. Big money comes slowly. This is one thing I definitely need to remember.

And no more FOMO for me! (fingers crossed 😊)