Hot town, summer in the city…

We’re having “Hitzewelle” (heatwave) here in Berlin. Up to 40° centigrade. I’m opening roller blinds and windows only during the night, to keep my apartment as cool as possible.

For some reason I couldn’t sleep last night although I only slept 5 hours the night before. In the evening I did the good old ‘bedtime procrastination’ routine, despite me being fully aware of it… cognitive dissonance at it’s best. Scrolling through tiktok and Instagram feed instead of falling asleep… Interestingly enough, I still woke up at around 7 AM.

So I got up, ‘made my bed’, as Jordan Peterson suggests, brushed my teeth and rushed out on the street. Woooow, what a beautiful morning ☀️ This side of the street is still in the shade, so no direct sunlight yet. And it’s warm. So beautifully warm. Light morning breeze carries the scents of perfume and sun lotion in the air. “Heaven, I’m in heaven…”

In front of the U-Bahn (metro) station, a mother with two little kids and a huge ‘tandem’ stroller is standing there, looking at the stairs and the stroller, apparently explaining something to the little ones. So I immediately asked: “Can I help you?” and she immediately relied: “Yes, please.” She took the kids, I took the stroller and we went downstairs, to the train platforms… When we reached the platform, I put the stroller on the ground and made the ‘thank you’ gesture 🙏 She thanked me, too and we said good bye, wishing each other a wonderful day.

Each time we get the chance to do a good deed, we should thank the person and the universe, because being able to help others is such a marvelous blessing.

NewLifeGuru

All that beauty

There’s so much beauty around. Everywhere. Just look at those huge cotton balls carried by the winds across the blue skies, beautiful colorful flowers, beautiful people…. Only… sometimes we see (more precisely: notice) all that beauty and sometimes we don’t…

Lavender

Last time I wrote about thhose big metal gates of my workplace. In somewhat negative manner, if I recall correctly. But, it is not all that bad. Right behind that ugly gate, I’m being greeted every day by the scent of lavender. Just how beautiful is that? Every f’in day. And I’m so grateful for that lil’ gift.

Watermelon

You know when you buy a huge watermelon, bring it home and realize… it’s too big for you to eat it all alone. And then you wish so much you had someone to share it with. Cold, sweet watermelon 🍉

…oh, you’re still here? Thanks, but – that was it for today. This was just a random short micro-blogpost…

Ruby Tuesday

…and so I caught myself standing in front of the gates of my workplace. Huge metal two-leaf gate, with a sign “Property protected by…” some security company. God only knows how long I have been standing there. As if I was having a dilemma – to enter the hell or to run away. It must have looked very weird to anyone observing the scene…

Ok, to be quite honest, my work is far from being a hell, although my brain does trick me into feeling like this from time to time… Such a bummer, when you get caught between your dreams and the reality… this job keeps me insured and the salary comes regularly. All that while I’m dreaming of travelling around the world and composing & releasing my songs… It’s just that I get thrown back into my eternal “job vs. dreams” dilemma every time I remember Dr. Wayne Dyers quote:

“Don’t die with your music still in you.”

Wayne Dyer

And I feel that time is ticking, too… (although, you know, ‘time’ doesn’t actually exist in the Universe and it is a completely man-made concept). I’m getting older. Trains are leaving. One after another… I feel pressed to jump on and grab one of those chances. But then I remind myself that “I don’t chase. I attract. What’s meant for me will simply find me”…

I titled this blog entry ‘Ruby Tuesday’ because it is Tuesday today and yesterday I spent the whole afternoon recording a cover version of “As tears go by” on my harmonica. BTW, did you know that Jimmy Page played the guitar part on the studio recording of this song? And that Mr. Page was a very sought-after studio musician/guitarist in the 60’s? I learned this only today…

Aaaaaand, today morning, while scrolling through my tiktok feed, I heard a wonderful mantra I’d like to share with you:

“My days are long and slow and filled with precious moments where I find myself so grateful for all the blessings in my life”

Declan J O’Donoghue

Vibing low…

I’ve been vibing so low in the past few weeks. I’ve been flying above the clouds, carried by the most beautiful emotions. And I’ve been crashing on the ground, pulled down from the skies by feelings of guilt, fear of losing, jealosy, all the negative stuff.

If it only happened once, that wouldn’t have been as bad, I guess. Bam. Bam. And you’re done. But I kept dreaming and kept turning beautiful dreams into horrible nightmares over and over again…

And in my weakest moments I kept dragging others in this inner struggle of mine. How weak. What a cowardly way to act.

And for sure I hurt those wonderful people who opened their hearts to me. You can only drag someone in your own struggle if they care for you. If you’re (deeply) connected. For strangers would rarely allow themselves to be dragged in other people’s “games”…

A bizarre version of Goethe’s Mephisto

I’ve behaved in a most incomprehensible way lately, hurting some very special people I truly cared for. I’ve said and done things that I’ve regretted ever since and I’m so ashamed of doing so.

I feel like some bizarre kind of Goethe’s Mephisto, the one who wishes to be good and do good, but… ends up doing exactly the opposite. 🥺

[I am] part of that force that always wills the GOOD and always produces the EVIL.

Hurting someone who warm-heartedly invites you into their life with open arms is probably one of the meanest things a human can do (even if done inadvertently).

Now I’m living my days literally hating myself and hoping for forgiveness. 💔

Such a cool dude, that David Gilmour

Just finished watching “David Gilmour – Wider Horizons” on youtube. What a cool guy. Such an inspiration. Ok, obviously we got to see only that what we were meant to see… every medal also has the other side, the one that is not (immediately) displayed to the public.

But, I have to say – I loved what I saw. Very often it is up to us to complete the impression in our heads, you know, add those missing parts… that’s why a single movie can leave a million different impressions on a million people.

It’s a really nice documentary, highly recommended for any musician, guitarist, creative person, Pink Floyd fan…

The last day of August 2021

Yesterday I stayed at work until late because I wanted to finally finish some statistics for the team.

On my way home I realised it was the last day of August 2021. Another day, another month is gone. And never coming back again… while I was busy joggling some data around in Excel. Data which will become obsolete in a matter of days. Just try to imagine that. Imagine turning days into dust. How sad.

So I wrote a song/poem – a farewell song for that last day of August 2021:

There goes the last day
of August 2021.
I won't be missing it much
Yeah, some days were nice,
Some... really fun
Most of the time I felt out of touch

With reality
Oh, that's my speciality

It has been rainy
It has been tense
I fell in love
And made new friends

August 2021
Forever gone
Forever gone...

When you wake up on a rainy Monday morning…

When you wake up hating Mondays, you can be 100% sure that you’re doing something wrong. You’re not in the flow. You feel drained, you’re missing the direction. Any direction.

From the current perspective, I’m almost certain that any direction would be better than floating around this huge ocean of life, like some old abandoned raft…

Guess what? It’s Monday. I’m dragging my feet to the metro station on my way to the office. It’s cold and dark, and this bloody rain doesn’t help, either. Going down the stairs, putting the mask on. Being forced to wear the fcuking mask is so annoying, I cannot breathe. I hate it.

Now I almost wrote “and I hate my job” but… you know, if you hate it – leave it. So, nah, I don’t hate it. It’s a stable monthly income. But if you’re a fish and the job requires a lot of tree climbing, well… you ain’t gonna be the top performer in this job…

Persistency can compensate for lack of skills or experience but it comes at a cost. It costs time and it drains energy…

Maybe I feel like this just because of fcukin ‘rona? It’s lowkey killing me every day, bit by bit… I sold all of my PFE stock the other day. Sure enough didn’t sell at the highest high (not even near the peak, unfortunately). But, ok… anyway I expect markets to pull back a bit. Recent bull runs have been crazy. Gates said on the CNBSee he expects things to be back to normal by the end of 2022. Some others have mentioned spring 2022. The moment JPow announces tapering, the sell-off begins. Wait and see. Latest in December. I just hope there won’t come an even greater evil after ‘rona cards have been played out. You know, a war or… some other shit… “back to normal” my ass…

Or am I this broken because it’s autmn already? Dunno. Autmn weather in August feels strange. The nights are so fcuking cold. Hello? Universe? G*d? What’s going on?

When you wake up…

You know that feeling when you wake up to a new, sunny day… quite different than yesterday. You thank the Universe that you woke up alive and free and you feel like you wanna shout from happiness.

The world is turning and you feel like turning along, as if you were on a huge carousel. And so the world is turning and you are turning and your thoughts are turning. And you look at the blue skies and you feel nothing but joy. Pure joy.

Yesterday I donated blood. It has been almost a year since I’ve done it last time… and it feels good. Are we allowed to feel good when we’ve done good? Haha. Some would say: “what an egoistic act. Giving, in order to feel good. How pathetic”… but then again, he or she who gets this blood – I’m pretty sure they won’t be going into my reasons for donating blood…